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VRC Kama Sutra, or: kitten's guide to cuddles

by: nekonyan#9460 | category: intro

Inspiration: Kitten fairly regularly ERPs with strangers, and some of them are new to this thing, so kitten wrote up a few points for getting started, and some more advanced techniques she learned over her fair number of hours of ERPing 😋

What is ERP?

Short for "Erotic Roleplay", on vrc, it's basically social intimacy mediated by VR (predominantly vrchat/chilloutvr). Since sex has a million different ways in different cultures, this will be an opinionated piece :)


Because it's *better than porn*, it builds intimacy and connection between real people, and it makes us happy. For kitten, it's the touch she misses the most -people aren't touching eachother IRL anymore in any but the most intimate settings. VRC fills that void in a way real-life can't.

From OwOmeVR

How to get started?


You need vr gear, and some pretty good compy, vrchat installed, and at least "new" status for avi uploads.

  • If you're just thinking of getting into this, the easy mode currently is getting a quest 2, and hooking up to your computer
  • If you have budget, the upgrade path is typically vive trackers for fullbody (you need 3 trackers, and 2 base stations), and a vive headset. Fullbody can work with quest, vive adds better POV, some resolution, and fine finger tracking.
  • These are gross oversimplifications, and the market moves very quickly. Do some research, and ask around on discords :)


  • install a playspacemover (probably best is OVR Advanced Settings: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1009850/OVR_Advanced_Settings/ ). This allows for shifting around (while you physically remain in place) which is useful for reaching high places, and in half-body to force the avi into crouching / laydown position without you physically moving.

ERP Setup for VRChat:

  • For best intimacy, in vrc you need to (settings window) disable personal space, and (settings quick menu -> advanced options at the very bottom) set forced camera near distance to dynamic mode. This allows you to see peeps really up-close
  • Portable mirrors are your friend! They can be found in the hand menu under options; and you'll need to enable opacity to see other peeps.

Where can I find avis?

from reddit

Phantom sense:

  • Phantom touch is the phenomenon whereby if you focus on the visual stimuli, it can override your tactile sensations, creating a feeling of touch (and shivers and goosebumps 😊). This isn't limited to touch -there's phantom falling, phantom heat, and many other types of stimuli- and it can be "practiced" in that the more you focus on it, the higher the sensation is.
  • Cuddling and headpats stimulate this phantom sense, and are super intimate and fun 🥰
  • best headpats are slow, sensitive, and patient. For facepats, keep your hands just outside your partner's viewpoint (this is generally between the eyes, but can be inside/outside), and be sensitive to how your partner reacts to it.
  • But why stop at headpats? Fullbody massages are also fun: carefully run a finger through the torso, arm, and especially hands are super sensitive. If partner is looking at a mirror, you can also try legs, and tummy ^.^
  • Pole dancing, and lapdances: these are fun ^.^ and a very good starting points into foreplay
  • phantom sense can also be heightened by environment: taking virtual baths, showers, sitting by the fireplace, hairbrush, and asmr 😊

Kitten's one rule for ERPing above all: always go in with the mindset of making your partner happy ^.^ 

ERPing: with whom?

I'm having trouble finding a partner to try this out

  • Lean more onto your feminine and submissive side. Peeps presenting with female avi, and vr gear generally have no difficulty getting attention 😊


ERPing and relationships:

  • relationships: "vr is like real-life social speeded up by 1000x" 
  • vrchat is uniquely safe in that nothing happens physically to your body other than the things you cause yourself. Because of this, you can safely explore your boundaries to discover what you like
  • "I’m a mess when it comes to needing love and attention" it's okay to need stuff, it's not okay to force that need to others. One way to get a handle on needs is having a large enough harem 😊 and other things you can do if a plan falls through.
  • "the hardest part about ERPing is getting committed or connected, if you commit to any single person you miss out with everyone else"
  • peeps have very wide variety of libido, and wants and needs. For longer-term partners, it's useful to have subtle ways to signal need, and it is required to take no with good grace. Instead of making things weird with one person, find others to play with 😋

ERPing and shyness:

  • vrchat is uniquely safe in exploring yourself, and your sexuality. Two quick ways to reduce anxiety are creating an alt account (so that you can explore different behaviors, without your pre-existing social pressures); and (this is opinion) starting out mute: many people with anxiety issues may find anxiety rooted in navigating the conversations, which gets in the way of having fun 😊. (note: it is more fun with voice, but a mute alt helps you build confidence, and practice).
  • to get into the vibe, kitten recommends the regular ERP events on various discords (see above) -you're no longer horny alone 😊

ERPing and libido:

  • Libido: probably the best analogy kitten heard about libido is thinking about it as a keyhole/lock with a bunch of pins in it; some pins tend to be gender-universal, but a lot of them are highly varied between peeps. Finding what turns your keyhole unlocks heightened arousal, and more frequent and better orgasms :) 
  • Kitten strongly recommends going into ERP with an experimental mindset, and trying out new stuff to see if it clicks some of those pins, to learn more about yourself 😊

Moving from cuddling to ERP, in romantic settings:

> so, the thing about moving a situation to erp, is basically slow and continuous escalations (this generalizes from real life, works in vrc too 😊 ). Basically, one of the two needs to escalate (in the literature for irl it's referred to as topically -by what one talks about- , physically -touch- , and location -getting close to the bedroom). It's kinda like trying to pet a very scared rabbit, can't go too fast, but shouldn't go too slow

kitten -being a mutey- likes to escalate via "borderline neutral" moves (tummy ^.^) and seeing how the partner reacts to it. If after 2 of these, the partner doesn't reciprocate, that's a no (consent is important!)

but generally they do via moves of their own. and that slowly, and surely gets the conversation, and partner closer to where you want it to be ^.^ uwu

things which greatly improves the enjoyability for partner:

  • the level of intimacy, and the quality of connection you share with your partner. Foreplay, and bonding builds a connection that makes it super more enjoyable 💕
  • your fine hand controls, body movement, aerobics, and resolution of touch (how closely does it follows body). VR is very much a physical activity; good ERPing ditto 😋 kitten recommends having at least a weekly 2x 30 mins intense exercise for keeping your health, body, and libido in shape 😊
  • voice (tone/etc), noises (esp cute ones 😊 )
  • story / setting / context around sex
  • avi quality

In ERP, foreplay:

  • fullbody patting, in increasingly erogenous zones (armplay, handplay, face, tummy, erogenous zones)
  • lost of kissing ^.^ builds intimacy
  • Giving head: start with a kiss, then slowly lick yourself through increasingly erogenous zones on the partner until you arrive at their sweet spot. A little finger-work to get things flowing, then get your head in there 😊 For best head, put a transparent mirror behind / over partner so you can see how it looks like from your partner's point of view! 🥰

In ERP, general:

  • just before ERPing, when you found a comfy spot, put a portable mirror somewhere behind your partner, so you can see both of you for best phantom sense experience :)
  • in kitten's experience, there are two kinds of erpers: peeps who just roleplay it, and finish afterwards, and peeps who do it for real. The general expectation (in kitten's circles) is for the later, and unfortunately, fake signals are super easily spotted, and super turn-off-ish. If you're in the former, it's useful to set clear expectations around this beforehand.
  • don't starfish! ( https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Starfish "just laying there, unmoving" ) In kitten's experience, there's nothing worse than erping with an inert body just laying there motionlessly -if kitten would want that, there are plenty of worlds with dolls around. Slow small subtle movements are the best :)
  • In kitten's opinion, the playspacing back&forth is particularly bad -you're making sudden movements in partner's face, in-VR this is anti-vibe. Instead, try making the natural movements, and bring as much of it into vr as possible; for example, with a vive + lovense max2, instead of putting the controllers down, have both the controllers and the max2 in your hands, and grab your partner as you're grabbing the max2. This is super vibe ♥
  • taking turns is fine. The reason kitten try to go at it at the same time the partner does is because 1, kitten loves seeing partner enjoying her (that's sorta her fetish); and 2, if there's chemistry, our bodies can synchronize to eachother leading to simultaneous orgasms, which are. just. the. best 🥰🥰🥰
  • Cultural differences: In kitten's personal experience, Japanese lovers tend to like cuddling/groping/touchy-feely thingies, whereas Chinese, and US lovers tend to get straight to the point (but this varies more between persons, than between cultures)
  • Typically peeps last anywhere between 5-20 minutes (depending on libido, and foreplay). With long-term partners, you can try edging! Whereby when you feel yourself just on the edge of an orgasm, you stop for a few minutes. This builds a much more powerful orgasm in the end, and you get to enjoy eachother for longer 💕

ERPing positions for half-body:

  • Riding on top of partner laying down, this always works, at least for avis / partners who can lay down
  • Most peeps try to use movable chairs in the meroom for first ERPing; there are two problems with this: there aren't any movable chairs which have legs spread, and being moved in the chair induces vertigo, which is super turn-off-y. A better one kitten found in the first month: In the Black Barn, there's a bedroom in the back. Standing in front of the bed, the rightmost-farthest-back chair has the avi's leg spread, positioned well above the bed. Perfect ERPing spot ^.^  If you're familiar with unity, you can also attach this (or similar erotic) animation to a toggle on your avi.
Black Barn

  • riding: with oculus quest: for receiving: get an nsfw avi which lays down w/ legs forward; for dominating: sit on top of him/her, grind from above
  • doggie style (oculus-fullbody): take avi which goes into doggy on crouching. fullbody comes from behind. use portable mirror for visuals
  • bending over: put a portable mirror in front of you for best effect
  • If you can edit your avi, kitten recommends adding GoGo Loco locomotion system to it, which adds a bunch of positions, and generally makes positioning yourself in half-body much easier


  • Having a comfy play space, where you can lie down (eg couch) / be on your knees (eg pillows on the floor) is key to assume lewd positions, and staying on those positions for long periods of time
  • depending on how your playspace is set up, you might find it easier to move your trackers to different parts of the body for ERPing (eg: putting the waist tracker on the side, and re-calibrating to assume doggy pose).
  • Cowgirl position, lotus, and butterfly are probably the best for VR visuals, and close intimacy. With portable mirrors -and enough pillows - there are a lot more other positions you can try (although many of them don't translate well to vr). For pleasuring partner orally, kitten loves being on her knees while her partner sits, or lays down, for visibility and easy access 🥰
  • climbing on top of your partner laying down / taking the partner from below 🥰

Aftercare: Post-ERP, many people -especially girls- feel shame/guilt/what-just-happened feelings (see our article on "headspace drop"). This is normal! but for this reason, it is required to cuddle post-erp for at least 5 minutes! Reassure your partner that everything is okay, nothing bad happened, and enjoy the afterglow 😊

  • also, post-coitus pillow talks are the most intimate conversations ever :)

Some interesting fetishes, and things you can try:

  • "how do I know what fetishes do I have?" -> https://bdsmtest.org/ or more detailed: https://notlewdjustkinky.com/kinklist
  • The punishment game: you're not allowed to come (in real life, or in vrc) for 7 days; but everyone can tease you on vrc
  • Relatedly, if you want someone to come much quicker, instead of trying to urge them to come, tell them to try not to come 😋
  • little play - big play (giant): both comforting, and triggers arousal in some people
  • sizeplay: friend was using a large avi, while kitten was in a smaller avatar sitting on her lap, and friend's fingers engulfed kitten 😊 fullbody patting 💕
  • Feet: surprisingly large number of people are into feet :) if your partner is into it, with fullbody, you can start with massaging their body with your foot, then slowly caress their face with it, this will get them into the mood 😊 If you put your leg trackers directly on your feet (and have a properly sized avi), you can get fine feet-control, and kitten even saw some peeps getting another 2 trackers just for feet 😊
  • petplay: there is a world that has leashes in it: Pet House https://vrchat.com/home/world/wrld_7519a216-fc06-42a2-8211-85bcfb36de3c ; since physbones, you can add a collar directly to your avi that your master can pick up 🥰

  • ropeplay (and bdsm): some avis come with strings attached 😊


  • this is fun, but requires patience! for 3 people, one way is taking turns on being cared for by the other two; alternatively, 2 having sex, and whoever doesn't finishes starts with the third. The point is that everyone should come, at least once!
  • the single biggest mistake peeps are making in threesomes is canceling eachother out, specifically by standing in the way / covering down important points from the other person's perspective. Always keep in mind where your paws are, and what your head is covering for both other people!

assets, and avidev:

  • Probably the most popular one is the Dynamic Penetration System (DPS)  https://raliv.gumroad.com/l/lwthuB most ERP-ready avis already have this installed (or you can use unity to put it on your avi)
  • For female avis, there's a built-in orifice shader in DPS; more recently, there's also realistic orifices; eg https://minamotosyun.booth.pm/items/3228651 this one's for Reeva.
  • dildos, and buttplugs 🥰 there are a few of these on booth.pm and you can also create your own at http://dildo-generator.com/ ^.^ these can be imported via DPS.
  • collars and leash

lovense toys:

your physical environment, and movement

  • "If you can afford it, go and buy yourself a yoga ball, it works great in half body as well as full body for simulating yourself riding someone."

Questions, thoughts, comments? Do you have a prefab which you think might be useful to include? DM nekonyan#9460 on Discord 😊

Have lotsa fun 💕💕💕


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